But God, who is rich in mercy, because of his great love that he had for us, made us alive with Christ even though we were dead in trespasses. You are saved by grace!
Ephesians 2:4-5 CSB
I started my freshman year of high school with no friends, until I met Laura and Sam in PE class. I became fast friends with them, and we were neighbors too, so we hung out together all the time.
At some point close to the end of the school year, it felt like Laura was trying to make me more like her–dress like her, act like her, do my hair like her, etc. It was weird, and I called her out on it and asked her to stop. A few weeks later, she texted me to say that I was “too much drama” and she didn’t want to be my friend anymore. She and Sam were long-time best friends, so that meant I lost not just one, but two close friends…leaving me to start sophomore year yet again on my own.
I thought about this memory recently after not having thought about it in years. While it was hurtful for her to cut me off like that, what’s actually most significant to me about this memory is that I called Laura out. I remember doing it with confidence and quiet indignation, but not in a way that was mean. I used my voice to stand up for myself and to stand up for what was true.
At some point, I forgot about this part of myself. From then on, I remember few moments when I used my voice or when I felt like I had a strong backbone. And in forgetting (maybe silencing?) that part, it feels like I’ve lived much of the last twelve years or so not knowing very well how to handle the hits that life throws at me, leaving me feeling like my head just keeps getting bashed into walls.
A few weeks ago, I said to someone that “I think I’ve been putting myself at the mercy of everything.” It fell out of my mouth like a confession and, like a veil being lifted, I had eyes that could finally see as the kindness of God led me to simple repentance.
What I meant was that I was putting myself at the mercy of:
- my body
- trauma
- other people
- my finances
- the general evil and sin swirling around in the world
waiting for all these things to get it together before I could be okay. But in reality, they just tossed me around right along with them, and I let myself go with no anchor.
What I realized is that there’s actually no mercy “out there.”
I remembered Ephesians 2: But God is rich in mercy.
And James 2: Mercy triumphs over judgement (v. 13).
And as I looked at the things in my life that were tossing me around, I began to say to myself, “I am not at the mercy of (insert burden here). I am at the mercy of God.”
Of God: where actual mercy is present in abundance.
At the mercy of God, I’ve begun to find confidence and fire in my belly again. At the mercy of God, I’m seeing what it’s like to live as His image, as a daughter instead of a victim. At the mercy of God, I’m remembering that fifteen-year-old who used her voice to stand up for herself and I’m learning that at the mercy of God, I don’t have to lose myself when someone cuts me off for defending what’s true.
Listen to “Mercy” by Amanda Cook
God desires to give mercy! Because where there is mercy there is freedom in Christ to become more of who we actually are.
And every cry for it He answers with a resounding yes.
They came to Jericho. And as he was leaving Jericho with his disciples and a large crowd, Bartimaeus (the son of Timaeus), a blind beggar, was sitting by the road. When he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to cry out, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!” Many warned him to keep quiet, but he was crying out all the more, “Have mercy on me, Son of David!”
Jesus stopped and said, “Call him.”
So they called the blind man and said to him, “Have courage! Get up; he’s calling for you.” He threw off his coat, jumped up, and came to Jesus.
Then Jesus answered him, “What do you want me to do for you?”
“Rabboni,” the blind man said to him, “I want to see.”
Jesus said to him, “Go, your faith has saved you.” Immediately he could see and began to follow Jesus on the road.
Mark 10: 46-52 CSB